somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
