when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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