just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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