How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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