On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
