I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
