Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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