like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
