That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
