Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
