I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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