Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
