I feel great
I just peed on a car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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