I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
