I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
