shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
