Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i've created a new STD.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
