we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
