Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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