who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
