I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
