And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
