So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
