OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
