meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize