I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
