I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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