If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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