do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
