Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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