I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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