i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
