you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
