no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
