Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
