I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
