i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
