I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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