genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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