I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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