I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
