he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
