I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
