He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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