it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
