i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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