You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
