I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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