"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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