Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
