Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
