found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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