Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
