i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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