ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
