So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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