....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize