Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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