you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
