Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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