ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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