Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
