wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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