im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
