I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
