I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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